Peace Hon's Blog

May is here, Mercury is about to go retrograde and the energy everywhere is shifting.

I am taking part in Kristin and David Morelli's 40 Days and 40 Nights program, a twice a day commitment to meditation and energy work to clear out old beliefs and patterns.

During the second morning's meditation, I fell asleep. Sitting upright in front of my computer, I fell asleep. I felt like a total loser and freak. Part of me wrote it off to being tired from waking early that morning. I had a busy morning and afternoon and I got back just in
time for the afternoon coaching call but was fidgety, in pain and distracted throughout the call.

I took a break and then I listened to the replay of the morning call and realized that I "fell asleep" as soon as the question of what stopped me from having everything I wanted was asked. During the replay, a visual of little girl me, crying, terrified, afraid of dying immediately came up. Okay. I understood why I went unconscious.

The Morellis do a clearly technique where you contain what you no longer want, extract your power from it, reclaim the power and let go of the residue. In a clear visual, I pulled out that terror and the terrified little girl me. I pulled out the bastard who abused me. I pulled out other crap. When it came time for my power to be pulled from the gunk, sparkling light appeared and a laughing little girl me, dressed as a fairy princess, complete with tiara and wand, laughed, danced and twirled in my brilliant power. Greeting her, taking her back inside was fabulous. After extracting my power, the residue of the crap was scattered to the winds, to be blown through the air, transmuted into inert dust to settle on the earth and be purified with rain from the heavens.

I have lows and highs, doubt and faith, challenges and triumphs. Being in a community, united in a process of discovery, growth and healing not only supports all of us during our individual processes, it magnifies our capacity to heal. As a group, our shifting from lack and fear to abundance and joy will impact our families and communities. You, by reading this, can know that you can make your own shifts and heal from your old wounds.

I hold you in the light and know that where you are is where you need to be right now, positioning you to be in every moment that follows.

And so it is.    Karen

Is it really going to be May in two days?? Where in the world did April go?

I guess part of my April was spent in the blur of grief. I chose to be with the feelings instead of trying to escape them this year and I am on the other side of them now. It was not easy, and it did not harm me. Being with discomfort instead of denying or avoiding it is a new behavior for me. Now I know I can do it.

Something interesting happened this morning. A friend meant to reply to an individual and instead replied to the group. Not that this is a rare occurrence, people do it, it is easy to do. The interesting part for me was the follow up post that the first post had meant to be private. When I read the first post, it seemed totally appropriate to the forum and spoke not only to the intended person, but to me and I would guess to all the members of the group. It spoke of frustration, disappointment, anger, grief, and doing one's best to be with what is happening in one's life.

I replied that I was glad that the post went out to the entire group. For me, it served as a reminder that we all need
and deserve to be heard, respected and held by each other, consciously. Appearances are deceiving and it is common to assume that someone is strong, has it all together and is without problems, and that is never the reality. We are living in a time of major shift. Financial, health and educational systems are not working. In this time of upheaval our lives are mirroring the greater shift. Just as the social structures are not working, our lives as they have been are not working. It is time to release what no longer serves us to make space for all that will. It's not just me,
it is not just you, it is all of us.

When we come together around a cause, we make connection. No matter what connection we have, being members of a group or club, being neighbors, friends, family, we touch each others lives. We can strengthen the connections, think of each other often, send good thoughts, wishes and prayers to each other. We can hold visions for each other to be happy and content, well and strong. The communities we create can strengthen and can hold us during our shifts. We are creating the new reality.

And so it is.   Karen

I have been out of it for the past couple weeks. I finally felt better from being sick and having the persistent cough and then I was just, I don't know. I could not quite define how I was feeling. Some days, I felt ready to burst into tears. I wasn't sleeping that well. I had nightmares and unsettling dreams. I had a hard time focusing.

I blamed it on all the energy shifting because of the acupuncture treatments I started several weeks ago. I had not established my new sleep hygiene, pre-bedtime routine. People were not responding to my e-mails. I felt disappointed and unsupported.

Today, I remembered the date and the significance of late April. April 26th will mark the seventh anniversary of my mother's passing.

Funny that I asked my sister if my dad had said anything about the upcoming anniversary when I visited them last Friday, and I had not connected how I was feeling with it.

Bleah. I can understand the last few weeks, and it does not make the feelings go away. Judging by past years, I just need to get past the 26th.

It is a busy week. Dad has two medical appointments. I suggested that we plan to visit the cemetery after Friday's appointment.

As I remember, since my mom died, I napped a lot to get through this time of the year. I think this year, I will just be with the grief and not try to escape it.

And so it is.  Karen

I am not feeling very focused right now. I started a blog about guilt, another about transitioning and will attempt to write about flux.

Within New Age circles, a lot has been written lately about shifting energies and rapid change. Traditional systems are breaking down and the new structures have yet to emerge. Shifting energies are manifesting in physical ailments. We are living with ambiguity.

Yuck. Not completely. It is also exciting but everything I am used to is becoming irrelevant. Learning to live in new ways within new systems- what does that even mean?

Do I go to my high school reunion? I really don't want to even though I know that I could connect with people. I think that there would be no resolution to matters that were a mess back then and I am not who I was then.

I can't imagine talking about conscious evolution or Evolutionary Women or our book, Conscious Choices, An Evolutionary Woman's Guide to Life. Having homeschooled the boys and starting Children in Common, these are things I did but does anyone who knew me in high school care? Is this my high school persona reacting?

I think it is very odd that on the one hand, I am grappling with evolutionary theory and at the same time, I am stressing about a high school reunion. Talk about living with ambiguity...

And so it is.  Or is it?   Karen

It is interesting that the "wacky" new age teachings I first learned about in the 70's and 80's are being presented again as ancient wisdom, guarded by the elite through the ages and at times misrepresented to the masses in order to keep people from learning universal truths that bring happiness and prosperity.

The theory of everything being energy has been around since Plato (probably before). The law of attraction, that like attracts like has been around forever, too. Remember the biblical teaching about sowing what you reap? "Ask and you shall receive." Isn't the law of attraction a way of describing karma? When you expect bad things to happen, guess what happens.

Thoughts are things, forms. When I have a thought, its energy goes out there. What I send out will come back.

Earl Nightingale said, "You become what you think about most of the time." Many have said that one's outer world reflects one's inner world. One's thoughts manifest one's reality. Bliss, contentment, joy, enthusiasm. These feelings are products of thoughts, just as anger and misery are products of thoughts. When I choose my thoughts, becoming aware of thoughts that are not best serving me and shifting them, I begin to choose how I want to live. How many of us live like the cartoon character walking through life with a cloud over his head?

The TV show, 30 Rock had an interesting episode last night. It was Jack's birthday and at times, it showed the story through the characters' world view. Tracy saw everyone as himself, Jack saw everything with its dollar value on it (including people) and Kenneth/Kenny the Page saw life as a Muppet Show. It was great. We live in a world of our own construction. The construction materials are our choice.

I choose happiness. My happy place is a fun place to be.

And so it is.   Karen

The Easy Button. I like that symbol. That's how I choose to approach most things (when I am being conscious, aware and self-actualized).

I know people for whom NOTHING is simple. Everything is a problem, an issue, mutilayered and most of the time a major drama on an epic operatic scale. I don't choose to spend time with them. It just takes too much energy, nothing gets resolved and they are never satisfied. Yikes.

I have come to accept what is. Contentment in the present is the key to happiness. That's not to say that I like everything that is happening right here and now. Regardless of my feelings, whether I like or dislike a specific condition, the condition exists. When it is raining, my liking or disliking the rain does not affect the rain. It is. I cannot control the rain but I have absolute control over my thoughts about the rain and it is my thoughts about it that will trigger my feelings around it.

How we perceive the world is determined by our thoughts. If I think of the world as a hostile, dangerous place, that becomes my world. When I see the world as a beautiful place and people as kind and loving, that becomes my reality. The world is the same. It is when I change my thoughts about the world that my experience of the world changes. The choice is mine.

Is this reassuring or scary? The thought that I control my life can be liberating or paralyzing. Cool, wow, I call the shots. But then, if I call the shots, who's to blame when something isn't so great. Gulp. Therein lies the answer. As long as I am judging outcomes as good or bad, I will stay stuck in indecision and not want to take any step towards claiming control over my life. When I relinquish judgment, when I can see a situation as merely being without the layer of goodness or badness shading it, I am more likely to take charge.

It's not my job to change anybody's world view but I would invite you to consider that life can be effortless, easy. I know what it is like to live from fear and judgment. I can tell you that living from love and acceptance is a lot more fun. Life does not have to be hard.

At the Mastermind gathering, while I was having my time in "the love seat" (as opposed to a hot seat), one comment was that I was not presenting anything that was very wrong, that while I had goal and desires, things are not bad as they are. I said that my life is good. I am happy AND I want to propel myself into a stratosphere of joy. Things are good and they can be great. And it definitely does not have to be hard.

And so it is.   Karen

Bad news- I am still sick.

Good news- I think I have turned the corner.

Today, I finished the course of antibiotics and there is no more lung level coughing. The throat stuff and cough is still happening but seems to be better.

So why do we get sick and why do some of us stay sick? I can list about a dozen people I know who have gotten sick and remained in some state of illness for a long time (4-8 weeks). Wasn't it standard to have a time frame for illness? Three to five days for the worst days of a cold? Five days to a week for a virus? Did germs get stronger or have we gotten weaker?

Has illness taken on another level of dis-ease? Are we battling physical and energetic issues simultaneously? Conscious and subconscious processes?

There has been at least one benefit from being sick for so long (I am into week three of the latest occurrence). I have slept a lot. And in the past several days, I have been waking up feeling physically better than before I was sick. I had been dealing with a lot of tension because my jaw would ache from teeth grinding all night and I would have sciatica in the morning. After sleeping for two weeks, I seem to have less stress during sleep- pain free lower back and legs and no jaw pain in the morning.

Still, coughing until you puke is not a fun way to de-stress. Maybe I'll realize other benefits in time.

And so it is.   Karen

What do you do when there seems to be a total disconnect between perception and reality? Aside from commitment proceedings. 

Too vague? I'll get specific. Last week I was in the company of powerful, supportive women, sure of my next actions in living my purpose. This week I am recovering from what was just yesterday diagnosed as a respiratory infection. Before yesterday, however, I was put out of commission by 'a cough'. Sounds pretty harmless, right? A cough.

Well this cough meant I could not talk without triggering it. Once triggered, I coughed and gagged and vomited- a lot. It wore me out. My diaphragm ached and I felt like I had whiplash. It violently woke me up from sleep. It demanded attention. When I saw the doctor on Monday, he said to not talk, sip water and suck lozenges. Didn't help. It persisted and transmuted. When it deepened, traveling from my throat to my chest, produced wheezing and crackling and when there was finally evidence of infection, the cough calmed. It let me sleep. It's only purpose became to help get something out.

Antibiotics, an inhaler and codeine laced cough syrup all play their part, too, but the silencing of the cough has been an interesting process to observe. In truth, I felt much worse when I did not have any medicate-able symptoms. Since I got 'worse' by the doctor's criteria and developed symptoms that can be pharmaceutically treated, I actually feel better.

I think that re-entry is an interesting and necessary process. To understand post traumatic stress in soldiers, they looked at the difference in the re-entry process of WWII vets and Vietnam vets. It took a longer period of time for most WWII vets to physically get home while for Vietnam vets, many went from horror to home in the matter of hours. Time to process, the time and space to understand when there is change is important. To adapt to change and to be able to integrate change in a meaningful way it does take time, space and effort.

Change is happening more quickly. Institutions are crumbling. We are questioning basic theories not over the course of a generation but in an instant and on a daily basis. We identify what is not working yet what will come to replace it has not been determined. We find ourselves in flux. Between worlds.

Maybe observing and patience is the only thing to do for a time. Maybe there are times when the best thing to do is to take a nap.

And so it is.    Karen

The cough is back. I don't know if it is all the travel and exposure to recycled air in-flight germs, or some type of perverse lesson, but I have been sick since I returned from the mastermind meeting.

Coughing until you puke is not especially attractive. A Monday morning visit to the doctor yielded the following directives- sip water, suck lozenges, numb my throat with steroid spray and NO TALKING.

Boo. Hiss. Yuck. No talking? Everybody wants to know what happened at the MM. Things are popping with Conscious Choices, setting up an authors' blog, meeting with area authors, coaching calls, and teleclasses, not to mention family interaction like catching up with David and Anton (his spring break is this week).

Last week at the MM gathering, I gained such clarity around what I want to do now and in the coming coming years, I came home sure and determined. Then I landed in bed. Sleeping is good- I have had some great dreams in between the coughing fits.

My first reaction was to fight the illness. I need to fix it, get over it and get on with the real work. Today's coaching call gave me a fresh perspective on the quiet time. Instead of rejecting the slow down, rest and quiet time, I was invited to embrace it as an opportunity to go deeper, go inward, and use the time for more reflection and inner work. I also think that the rest is helping me to integrate all the shifting that started prior to and continued at the MM.

So while I am silenced, I know it will not be forever. Instead of losing my voice, I have gained time to decide what it is I am ready to say.

And so it is.   Karen

I am back from my first Mastermind gathering and back from a break in blogging. Rather than choosing a topic for this blog entry, let me tell you a little about the mastermind experience.

Christine Kloser is the coach for this mastermind program. She is the publisher of Conscious Choices, a writer, entrepreneur and Evolutionary Woman. When I stood up at an Evolutionary Women's retreat in October 2007 and proposed that we collectively write a book, An Evolutionary Woman's Guide to Life, it was Christine who stood up and said that she would publish the book.

At an EW retreat last August, when Christine announced her first seminar, the Freedom Formula Experience with James Twyman, Marriane Williamson and Neal Donald Walsch as speakers, I knew I had to go. Christine held coaching calls before the seminar and suggested that attendees set an intention, something that we each wanted from the experience. My intention was to receive total clarity around my life purpose and work. On the flight to LA in January, I had a dream and in it, the answer- a concrete knowing of what I am to do.

At the Freedom Formula, Christine offered a year long coaching program. At first, I did not even consider it since I do not have a business. Then, it came to me that living my purpose WAS my job here in this life. Part of the coaching program is the Get Your Book Done process which I definitely wanted to do this year.

So, since February, there has been a call, accountability logs every week, some individual coaching, the GYBD program has started and our group met for our first 2 day, in person group coaching. So in preparing for the meeting, I did a lot of writing, answered questions, filled out a form and got all kinds of worked up.

Friends have been in year-long coaching programs and have talked about all the stuff getting stirred up before events. I have experienced anticipatory aggitation prior to Evolutionary Women retreats. That did not prepare me for the two weeks before the MM meeting. Most of my processing was happening on a subconscious level- not sleeping, nightmares, jaws aching from grinding and sciatica from lower back tension while sleeping. Not fun. I did a lot of writing on the flight to the meeting and after I arrived, I had a peaceful night's sleep and active, full, yet fun dreams.

There are eleven women in my group. Christine dubbed us the Counsel of Goddesses- a title we fully embraced. Each of us had an hour of attention in the "Love Chair" (Before I actually had my hour, I thought of it more as a 'hot seat'). Each goddess talked and then we asked questions, gave feedback, supported her and sometimes made suggestions. There was a lot of clarity, some major realizations, total support and unconditional love.

We had all met at the FFE in January and these two days together really gave us an opportunity to get to know each other and lay a foundation for a year of working together and supporting each other. What an amazing process. We intentionally have committed to support each other and be supported in realizing our dreams. How fantastically cool is that?

So, I just got home, reviewed the 400 e-mails waiting for me, made a Facebook entry and saw that I am just shy of 600 Facebook friends. Guess I will leave cyber life for a bit and upack, fold clothes and talk with the family. Talk about multidimentional living!

And so it is!    Karen

I have missed the snow this winter. Baltimore got one snowfall while I was away for an Evolutionary Women retreat. The next snow I missed because I was in bed with the bug. There was a bit of a snow that was around for only a day and last night's dusting was pretty first thing this morning but disappeared quickly.

So, the forecasters are predicting a nor'easter. Those can be big storms. All our legendary blizzards have been nor'easters. It's March 1st for goodness sake. I want that 'in like a lion' thing. It would be nice to be house-bound for a couple of days, providing we keep our heat and electricity. There is nothing better than to watch a marathon of something with the shades up so I can see the snow coming down and piling high. Television, knitting, hot chocolate and a fleece blanket- my idea of a good time.

Okay, so it's not skydiving or bungee jumping. It's fun for me. Way gone to crazyville fun. After a couple weeks of clearing out, I am ready for some mindless yet mindful rest.

Keeping my fingers crossed for some serious inchage.

And so it is.   Karen

I have been busy. Dotti came over yesterday and helped pack 21 boxes of knitted items for shipping. Yeah, Dotti! Six boxes of items for older kids are going for a shipment to Akkol in northern Kazakhstan, ten are going to shipments for Romania and five to China. Today I packed four boxes of yarn and some scarves for CompassionKnit, a new organization in San Francisco that supports shelters for homeless teens and I packed a large box of yarn for Chemocaps.com in Allentown, PA.

You don't have to look very far to find a group formed to help nearly every cause. There are groups that help kids, elders, families, animals, the grieving, the recovering. Just in the knitting community there are groups that knit for the homeless, veterans, the armed forces, animal shelters, premies, native elders and kids in institutions here and abroad. 'Prayer Shawl' groups are in every community. There are knitters who make gowns and blankets for stillborn babies so they are clothed and swaddled in loving intentions for the brief time the parents hold the child and say goodbye and then are buried in those items. I am in awe of those knitters.

In October, 2007, I was named Knitter of the Year by Knitters Magazine for my work with Children in Common. The next Knitter of the Year has been chosen and will be announced at a banquet tomorrow night at Stitches, West. You can read the Knitters Magazine article about me at 

http://www.knittinguniverse.com/flash/KnitterDetail.php?ID=391

I will check the Knitting Universe website after tomorrow night to find out who is the next KOY and learn about their good work. I am grateful to have been recognised for the work I started years ago and continue to do. I in turn support everyone in doing whatever they can to help others. Everyone has a passion, a gift, uniquely theirs and by sharing it, we are all enriched.

And so it is.  Karen

How many things are on your 'to do' list?  There are times when I feel like I need to make lists of my lists. Yikes!

Today was the first teleclass for the "Get Your Book Done" program. Absolutely inspiring, exhilarating and nauseating. I have a clear vision of what I want to write. I have a clear vision of my future life. How I get to there from here is my immediate challenge.

David has been away, skiing with work friends for a week. He will be home tomorrow night. I took some time to continue the clearing out of the house. There is a big pile for donation. I need to call the Ebay ladies and make a trip to Vanessa's to give her things for her vintage store. I also asked Dotti to come over tomorrow to help me pack up boxes of knit clothing to ship to orphanages (Romania, China, Akkol-former USSR state).

I have gotten rid of a lot. What I realized this week was that all the "UFO's" (unfinished objects) can happily stay uf'd. I finished a couple that are now leaving the house and I tossed some. Sometimes, finishing something is deciding not to do it anymore. It served its purpose and I no longer need to do it.

Asking Dotti for help was a big step. Asking anyone for help for anything is a new behavior. One of the things I am finished with is feeling like I have to do everything myself. I am finished judging myself. I am finished with hanging onto anything that does not support my vision. My hope is that with the clearing out and the paring down, I will have fewer distractions and fewer things to list.

I will sign off now to continue the work.

And so it is.   Karen

Yesterday, I attended a sound healing workshop. Sound healing sounds pretty out there to many, but think about it. Sound affects you. Sounds can scare you or soothe you. Sound is vibration and we react differently to varying frequencies. 

The practitioner, Joanne Bracken is a gifted healer. I first met Joanne in 1984 when she taught classes through a first generation, new age bookstore. This was early on, when I first heard about Seth and Lazarus, channeling and developing psychic abilities.

At a retreat in 2007, sound healer, Jonathan Goldman presented and performed. The energy was amazing and that night, (forgive the graphic nature of the following) I peed buckets. Sound affects me profoundly.

I love to tone and overtone and I successfully overtone the upper and middle range throat toning techniques and am practicing to develop the deepest toning. Tibetan monks toning, and Orthodox monks chanting activate something in me, deep and old.

Think about how music, chanting and ritual dialogue is part of religious practice. Make a joyful noise. A choir of angels. Spontaneous sing-alongs are a blast. How do you feel when you hear the song "Shout"? The You Tube of "Say Hey" is a big dose of feel good. What is more soothing than a lullaby?

I say turn off talk radio and turn on Motown or Cat Stevens or whoever gets you to sing, hoot and whoop it up.

Just like story telling is "chicken soup for the soul", sound is a remedy for the energetic body and the physical body in ways yet to be realized.

Try it. Sing, hum, chant, tone, whistle, vocalize like no one can hear you and open to the joy of sound.

And so it is.   Karen